My mate Joe Chip says: the Arts Council will not fund the Revolution
17 October 2011
Dear Mr Chips,
Firstly, we thank you for your application. It is submissions such as yours that help us get through our day.
Secondly, you were indeed correct in surmising that your application would be unsuccessful. While that will no doubt be a disappointment to you and Mr Burger, think of it this way: you paint on too broad a canvas for us. We have no doubt that the overthrow of the government, the transfer of ownership of industry to the masses, the withering away of the state, and the liquidation of “the bosses” fits within our extended definition of art, however that is not the only criterion for the making of a grant. (As an aside, if you did achieve our goals, what is your proposed funding model for the Arts Council?)
You raise that you would have been more successful making an application involving the combination of “faeces, urine and a deity”. Your point is unclear. If you were suggesting that you should apply in respect of a more limited project, we would recommend that course (but suggest that it not be the liquidation of “the bosses”). If you were raising that such a work would be offensive, all we can say is, not to our sort of people.
Regarding your secondary application, no, funding does not extend to “the marital arts”. If only it was otherwise.
We wish you well in your future endeavours,
PS Yes, we do recall your plan for ‘Stalin’s Circus of Steel’. The answer is still no.
PPS Regarding your salutation, it is we who decide who are the fascist reactionary blood suckers, not you.
PPPS Do you really think you would fit in with us?
Dear Ars Council Kevin,
Sorry, there was a typo in my application. I meant ‘martial arts’, not ‘marital arts’. Does this change anything?
Josef Chip (singular)